Eloise lifted the silver chamberstick to her lips, with the tiniest breath the candle went out. Smoke rising in a soft weaving plume. Behind her, a sudden white glow caught her attention. She turned to see a white lady, dressed in a waterfall of silk, with long white curls over pale skin.
“Will you come with me?” whispered the white lady, slowly extending a pale white hand out to her.
“To where?” Eloise asked.
“To Dream’s End, and new beginnings.” she whispered back.
Eloise shakily took her hand, and the white glow enveloped her. And all that she knew paled into insignificance.
“Will you come with me?” whispered the white lady, slowly extending a pale white hand out to her.
“To where?” Eloise asked.
“To Dream’s End, and new beginnings.” she whispered back.
Eloise shakily took her hand, and the white glow enveloped her. And all that she knew paled into insignificance.
Wow! That says so much in the short space and is beautifully expressive and evocative.
ReplyDeleteWow, Thank you! And there I was thinking I was struggling with this one!
ReplyDeleteI would have liked to have put more description in of Eloise and more of her emotions in it, but there just isn't the room. So glad you think it came across well regardless!
An interesting story that makes you want more...
ReplyDeleteI can imagine watching it from the sidelines, lovely description!
ReplyDelete:) Wonderfully done! I love the imagery that you use here.
ReplyDeleteThanks DMLBooks! I also enjoyed your Ghost drabble, an unusual interpretation of a ghost - it was cool! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Ksriranga, Thanks so much, so pleased you enjoyed it! :)
I also enjoyed your Ghost drabble, I left a comment on your blog!
Hi Alyssc01, Thanks so much! I like my fiction to have good imagery so you can really imagine seeing it, glad it's working out! I also left a comment on your Ghost Drabble! :)
The simplicity of it is the charm. We understand what's happening but the descriptions have an ethereal quality. Well done!
ReplyDeleteCompletely captivating !!!
ReplyDeleteHello Sketching Girl! First timer here. Your drabble was definitely good, but it left me wanting more. I wanted to know what happened to Eloise after she was taken up! Good imagery! Write more! TC!
ReplyDeleteThanks Aheila! I love that you say my descriptions have an ethereal quality! That's brilliant, Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Alexander! :)
Hello OldGeezer! I'm so glad my Drabble left you wanting more! I am planning a novel featuring Eloise with some other characters, and then you can find out what happens to her after she goes... elsewhere! Thank you, and I will!
Hey SG ~~ my first time visiting your blog .
ReplyDeleteGood drabble ~ striking imagery ~ and the final sentence is really strong !
Mish
Hi muso-blog-hog, Welcome to my Blog!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your kind comments! :)
Howdy Sketch! I reread your Ghost, and as I commmented here earlier, I do like this drabble! I also repeat that you should write the next "chapters" on this one! Please do! TC Don
ReplyDeleteHi OldGeezer, Thanks again, I am glad you enjoy it so much. I have this planned as part of a novel I am planning to write. I've been spending time researching the Victorian period (in which this character is set), to try and write better about it. I've never tried writing anything in a specific era before, so this involves a lot more research than I would normally do - but I am enjoying the research! It helps me to come up with new ideas! :)
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